Sunday, August 31, 2003

-_-" he "decided" to let go...coz a lot of his frenz says so..blah blah

TIs is STUPID. he nv see it, hE dont understand e actual reason behind it but decided to give up...coz a lot other ppl says so? Yah is best 4 u to give up...BUT Cant u see it?!!
NOe e reason y u it shld be tis way...argh...

Idiotx

Flew away at 10:13:00 PM

Thursday, August 28, 2003

thx a lot for everything u did, haha..is someone i wont say who lala~ =X

i wont drag u in

sorry..thx.

Flew away at 10:32:00 PM

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Zzz. i told him...i tried to help him.. abt her act cute n stuffs. He didnt see it, he thought tat she IS cute...he couldnt see e ACT cute part... ignts.. He seems bu shuang he IS bu shuang...disappointed, as a frenz i wanted to help...obviously seemed that i cared too much...

I wanted him to look through her...be more rational..n nt subjective.. I really really....juz seeing her + her in e cca, i wan to p*ke.. i swear it 100% is act cute...and with her + her talking abt which which guys talk to me till 1 am...*roll my eyes*
Despo? yaH iGnts...

How is it tat guys couldnt see through ppl? Xpecially acTiNG cuTe part? ha.. Or perhaps juz my biased pt of view? ^{It still my opinion tHx..}

MorAL oF e StoRY:_{Dont cARe toO mUch, though u r trying to help someone...for their own gd. they wouldnt see it...bliNdEd, is useless.. Furthurmore they would be pissed off by you.. N wat did u gain for ur "kind" actiOns? ^{Nth only A person who is irritated by you & perhaps it would strain ur relationship}}

I shld juz wash my hands out of this matter, dont care..let him 'die'. No use trying to pull him out of e black hole..which he would be pissed off. IT sux..totally. iDiotx..
i was trying to help u...as a frenz of urs...(i donno whether am i still ur best frenz..), i dont wan to c u getting hurt n stuffs.. N frankly i donno if is worth it...^wadeva

Flew away at 4:34:00 PM

Friday, August 22, 2003

i been thinking again haha =p no choice deep thinker or juz plainly a worry wrat.
What inspires these thoughts of mine is through some talks with ppl, n it sends me thinking haha..

Hmmx, actually when does one let go...? If u held on to it, continue on..n stuffs. Is it e correct choice? (in reference mainly to relationship..) Both are actually right, one shldnt give up that easily..however one shldnt held on to it forever

Letting it go, by trying to get over it and had realised that Nth would come out of it. Though how much u may _{HOPE n WISH} for.. guess is e "curing process"? hMMx, wat does letting go actually means..? "fang qi"...takes on various forms.. Sometimes i believe one shld recognise situations n by "giving up", is actually better... No use clinging on to it for eternity, when it truly n obviously wont work out..? Even though who noes actually...there may be a slightes-est chance of it successing..? It isnt wrong to think this way, perhaps perhaps it would happen...though practically it would nv hapen.. noe wat i meant?

Some would say that, by choosing to let go...u are actually nt committed, nt serious and juz playing ard. If nt y could u let go and get over it...? Actually, u have to see...nt all "letting go" indicates u as "playboy or girl", if u had really tried v hard...done everything u could.. no use "forcing it on" // Perhaps "letting go" is a way of escaping.. Furthurmore, is becoz u have known realised truly being enlightened n stuffs, no matter how u hope/wish/pray for it... it wont happened...no means no... Let it go n release urself... I noe is hard, it seems impossible but u have to try...is all with e mindset i believe..

By continue on, clinging to it...living in false dreams n hopes that would nv happened..isnt e way. Trying all ways n means, to make things possible. Yah u can try, dont give up without trying. However after everything u done, yes every single thing u done, u have ^tried it doesnt worked out.. U shld noe wat i means...get e idea..Stop bluffing urself, see it through.. let go..

Sometimes... things gotten entwined closely together, it gets confusing.. And perhaps u urself wont even realised it...realised wat is actually going on, that its unknowingly affecting u.. Is true, is like...u said u will carry on, nv give up...no matter wat. It would be u make urself nt to give up, to like her.. n every other things. It is nt true..is wat u think it shld turn out to be, n u make urself do it. U think of her coz u shld think of her, u "make" urself to do it..? Hmmx kinda abstract and complex, to differentiate b/w e real feelings n "wat u shld do"..i donno how to say. i juz noe. I kinda realised it...a lot things.. No u would say is true feelings...deep down inside plz ask urself..is it really true feelings? Try n think abt it, things changed after everything u experience....it gets complicated n profound...puzzling. Perhaps u dont even dare to think...u wan it to be true...get wat i meant? U donno..

Maybe maybe perhaps perhaps is true love, not wat u "made urself" to do.. r u sure? u r nt...i noe, b4 u came to this "i like her". U were confused, deciding n sorting out things... I donno wat or how u came to this conclusion, but if u were even deciding/pondering over who is e one u like...things gets confusing.. ^{only u urself noes, but i think u dont...}

Is kinda disappointing, is like....we told u, reasoned it out, everything. U noes, i thought u do..but perhaps nt, one shld face e reality n nt try hoping for unrealistic things.. I feel sad 4 u, think through it...deeply..and noes wat u wants.. _{dont think u will...}

Dont live in false dreams...look through, and learn to let go at e right time.. Sometimes clinging on to it...wont help.. **i am purely juz as e role of a best frenz when i says this...nt jealous or anything.. I really hope u would "wake up"...

Flew away at 11:08:00 PM

Monday, August 18, 2003

» frenZ? «

Todae suddenly at e later part of e day...since e beginning of e history lessons..i suppose..
I donno wat with me..mood swing? hAix...out of e blue i began thinking, v deeply...it hurts.. I donno wat i was feeling, e pain that seems already numb yet...i donno...

wat sparked out my thoughts was i think...coz of his absence. It juz somehow so coincidentally that e day b4 if i nv talked much too him, e nxt day...he would be absent. i noe juz "qiao he", yah.. However that was wat lead me thinking, branches out my thoughts...

Somehow now he is closer to J, things changed abit further... Not only if F, her and perhaps some of his other frenz, there is an addition of J. Is nt i mind, or wat...is juz.. Why is it...everytime(almost) that e others r online, he wont talk(that much) to me..? I do understand that u r 'bz' n all those, yah...is nt tat i am being unreasonable or wat.. However u r still talking to others tat much..? I thought i was ur bf, or was it coz...i am ur bf, that i would wait 4 u..? Others wont..? e mIndset of it like that..? Again is e qns of u "taking me 4 granted", or was it tat "some others r more important...?" IF is her, i could understand...u like her, obviously u would talk to her "more"...but how abt some others..? lIke.....

okIEz, i admit i'm being jealous...is juz e way u "treats" me... And y am i so concern..? When perhaps u didnt even care..? I juz value our frenzship...we talked it over at times, that u noe i dont open up "that much" to u anymore... There as u said seems to be a wall i built..wat happened..to cause this..? U didnt noe... It was the uncertainity, i donno wat's with u...e way u could say u treasure our frenzship, n yet acting this way...? It juz seems so confusing...or were u lying..? or juz oblivious to e facts...? IN fact i would say, it was You who indirectly causes e changes...e things u did...wat's wrong..? There is something wrong...u juz wont notice, coz it lies with u... oH well...i juz hate it..and perhaps me..?

I juz noe something tat isnt pleasant, this keeps bothering me..i donno wat lies behind e mask of a person. Beyond e normal self she portray..who noes wat it could be..? ?
I am doubting u...is it e truth..? or r u faking it everytime with us..with me..

i donno wat r u talking behind my back, perhaps it isnt anything serious or alarming..juz purely gossipings.. However it seems...i donno who u talked to, but i knew of it, when i was talking to one person...who unintentionally juz mention wat u said abt me...
It makes me lose faith in u, i donno... I wonder who had u told to..? 1 or 2? maybe even more..? Wat u said wasnt that cruel or wat, it juz makes ppl frightened of confiding in me..those u told to. U caused me to lose a chance..to be closer/understands and noes more abt that person, which i hope i could... Perhaps trust wasnt that easy to establish, n if with some "talks" circulating ard abt me...it would be even harder... i donno..it juz seems sad to me, that i couldnt noe that person better...another closer frenz...

I donno wat's up with u, to be telling this to whoever...i was "kind" enough to share what i know.. To keep u "updated" or juz "informed", but now...becoz of that? U label me, and worst still...being "talking" to ppl? Unknowingly to me... It makes me ponders, who actually could i trust...? When there could be ppl like u..? I donno wat is happening behind my back..or am i juz over sensitive..? perhaps perhaps...actually who hasnt talk "bad" abt someone? HmmX....who am i to judge ppl?^{is my view though...haha blEAHz}

Frenz...cant do without them, cant do anything with them...? i donno...it juz so troubling, jumbled up...confusing.. I donno wat am i doing....it had spun out of my control...everything... What's up with me...? What had happened...or was it juz one of my mood swings..? I wasnt in e mood...in thoughts...

_{Unstable equlibrium, Highly explosive, Insoluble and reacting, kEep oUT!}^{Swirling...with no sense of direction} Muz i tell you?

Flew away at 3:46:00 PM

Monday, August 04, 2003

» new things? «

HmmMx...todae actually my mood quite happy! i score quite high 4 chi test. reallly....kinda rare, seeing that these days i feeling kind of down..n nv really put my mood into studying. Perhaps that test was to spur me on? hInting me to look 4ward to other things in life...n not brood over e past. haha..

perhaps perhaps...i feeling a lot better than last time i believed. At least 4 todae...yah. I try not care that much anymore, haha..n thX to soMEppl helped me! =)
haha, Hmmm i donno ba...hopefully. I dont wan to be hurt n bother by that anymore...try nt to, i think i can do it...n it seems...e feelings is wavering. Haha, my 'method' actually worked hor, not some freak logic plz. bLEAHz!

I saw a side of another person...he seems nt to be how he is projecting himself..at least to me? I donno...perhaps coz his thinking is different from mine, sometimes hard to relate..n i was afraid that i would say e wrong things. HmMx...perhaps coz we arent close..that y? ha -_-" i dont wan to spoil it, n hope i arent bothering him haha.. i juz find him kind of interesting...his thoughts n views of things. He do think n reflect..n wat he wrote was really true, somehow i could relate to it. It seems it was how i feeling too...ha both pessimistic pt of view? I really could understand...he seems that "different" yet e "same"? Haha..however is hard to get close, he doesnt allow i think...n is cautious? Or perhaps coz we dont click? hmmmx...perhaps perhaps...haha life is full of uncertainly (his saying). =)

Anything ba, it counts...all counts. I realise i donno how to talk...sometimes i juz couldnt say e right things? My flaws ba, i couldnt be bothered to socialise or talk sometimes...i juz dont feel like it? haha...really true...it seems juz how i would feel sometimes. Interesting..yet he doesnt seem to be that kind of ppl?

i learnt that...:: Everyone has a different side of him/her, what u see arent always the real him/her. Look beneath =) How they felt or think, their thoughts arent displayed outside...e images they themselves project to be arent always them. ::

Flew away at 8:46:00 PM

Saturday, August 02, 2003

HMmMx...HaIx. Now i "dont dare" talk to u le..oh well.. When ask abt it, u have no idea...u dont even remember. wat does that mean? U dont mean it? or becoz u were preoccupied with her that time? Now it seems...tat u r avoiding me? U came online, sign in. pUt away. offline. => u came n check, if she was here nt...she isnt that y u went away?

wat had happened b/w us? who caused it? was it juz becoz of e passing time? that we are bored with each other now? or cause u have more new frenz le, there is nth to talk to me le? or was it me? i was over-sensitive? n it was my mistake that i told u..i like u? that y things changed? or was it now...u like her. so u cant be bothered with me..nt even wants to talk?
something is lacking...e chemistry b/w us had gone? was there even any at 1st? It juz seems kind of sad, to think if u r avoiding me..that u were online juz to check if she was here, n offline if she wasnt..

ha, same old story ppl...if u read my blog. wat it was all abt...always e same thing? concern over e same thing? stupid it seems, an idiot i am..but i cant help it. soRry ba..

Maybe i shld really like another person, i donno...juz try to take more notice of e another person? divert my attention, my feelings, my thoughts to another person? that it would be better? so that i wouldnt be hurt by him...HmmMx. perhaps perhaps...life is full of uncertainly..

Haix..do u noe how i am feeling? that u r important? u matters? that ur actions n words, have a great impact on me? ha...-_-" oh well...wat am i doing? i muz be "Blinded" to like u...