Thursday, March 31, 2005

» Why? «

I cant help but wonder.

Why others could, and we can't?
Why she could, and i can't?
Why Fate played with me?
Why is everything so screwed?
Why is it just me?
Why must I see it happened?
Why did i try?
Why didn't it work?
Why did i land up here?
Why did it turn out this way?
Why can't it be like others?

I thought i knew, yet was it Fate? When i least expected it, there came the big shock. Is like a slap in my face, a battle i lost. What i went through to attain the stage, was gone or at least wavering. My 1st instinct was to run, ignore, escape and hide. But it just hit me, and now i'm caught. I can't help but wonder Why? Everything was alright, till i saw. Yes, right there, smack in the middle. Till i saw. Why? I never wanted it, in fact I had gave it away. Now, is all back again to torment me haunt me. Is never gone. I hate it. Why can't you change it? Yes you, just you.

My life is screwed, my future ruined.

Flew away at 12:18:00 AM

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

» Enlightenment «

I attain enlightenment hahaax..!! (what crapz?) But is true!

Though i still do stupid things now and then, mostly everything had cleared up. yupz. I feel so much much better(this peaceful state), since i don't care anymore.

A valuable lessons learnt.

Today went in search for the beloved SA uniform, we hunted high and low for it - to Telok Blanga and Chinatown. Mostly were out of stock and doesn't have the drawstring =( And Chinatown was selling at a more expensive price, guess cause the material is different.
Didn't know buying a uniform was that hard, haha. The skirt definately has to be sent for alteration too.

Till then.

Flew away at 5:01:00 PM

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

» Once a Saint, Always a Saint...? «

Am i destined to be in SA? I don't know what to feel or think when i saw it. It aint like i desperately wanted to get into Ajc or something. But i just hate this feeling of being left behind. Hate this feeling like i'm some rejects who couldn't get into Ajc, and thus have to stay in SA. Why can't i be free and leave? Cause i don't even have the ability to do so, my l1r5+bonus doesn't allow me to.
Perhaps this is the first time i'm tasting reality, normally what i have choosen i would get in, i know where i stand. I couldn't have known that Ajc cut off point would lower till 8..or now 7(some ppl got 8 and didn't get in) Or should i have expected it?

yah now i have to face those questions of why are you still here, when i heard you leaving etc. stupid. Moreover, i'll be stuck in the same og cg..worst still with new rumours concerning me circulating..saying i like who etc. I even told Clement yesterday when i went ajc, me and my ignorance.

Someone told me to appeal, i just hate appealing too...like i'm begging them to accept me.

I feel so left behind.
some rejects?
i lost control of my life

Flew away at 10:00:00 AM

Saturday, March 19, 2005

» Just some thoughts «

It occured to me so clearly that i'm so different from the norm(like what happened today), as in i'm not your usual girl. Most girls don't play games really play, and i mean games like counterstrike? warcraft? maplestory? diablo? you get the idea. Those boys' stuffs basically. Am i odd?
They won't know much about animes or manga in general or read/watch them/download them/collect them, as i do too. Neither will they be interested in Final Fantasy? Know the characters, storylines, played a number of the game series etc.
A large percentage of them will sleep early too,you rarely find a girl who sleeps late (haha does this counts? =x)

Guess that not many would actually want to go to a lan shop to try games out? I crack my brain out, and i really can't find one that's like me or alike. I'm sure different/odd/weird.

I know the reason why i'm so. But i don't know if is a good thing or bad thing. Is it very odd when there's a (small i suppose)group of guys and you are the only girl(where you can't seem to find anyone else, any other girls) there, going to play lan or anything else?

oh, and please i beg you, can't you just CARE abit? Is it so hard, to talk to you. I mean talk, where conversations actually flow, not one party asking questions, and it actually breaks off. Is just talking, this once only. Some stupid hope i still held on. You are just plain stupid, didn't it get into your head after everything that was said? Why did you still try? Why did you still hope? And let everything came crashing down again again? *arbish* BaoHui you are a total failure loser, an absolutely hopeless case..just rot and die. Like anyone would care. Like it would ever matters. Buzz off.

Flew away at 1:11:00 AM

Monday, March 14, 2005

» Dawn upon me «

Today went orchard with SA people(those closer to me), there were 6 of us. Nevertheless we had fun, pretty interesting perhaps cause it was the very 1st time(and sadly may be the last). We never really planned to do anything in particular, but we catch the 'Series of unfortunate events' movie. Is nice..maybe not really worth $8.50 however for $6.50 is worth =x
hahaax..!! =]

It been 5 months after the 7months...

Such big contrast
how ironic
it faded away
was it ever there?

The 3 words said
it stolen my heart
how true it sounds
how perfect it seems
it was everything

3 words now still
if only you know
if only you care
1 last time
is all i ask

Flew away at 11:58:00 PM

Friday, March 04, 2005

» My future? «

Ask mi to tell? go ask? "how the hell did u...." fuNni haha. i don even dare, guts? I juz hide in 1 corner n indulge in self-depression..no cure..no miracle.
Ahh, i muz be blinded blinded...wat's wrong with mi? wat's happening?? =/

Anyway ytd i went to crash ACJC, stupid sch haha. We sorta got caught, ask us get down the stairs...but like we are so obedient? When she went off, we just run back and hide in a toilet.(toilet again Zz) Later we realised that we are officially allowed in the school(jae registering), not like she caught us in assembly or some lectures, stupid teacher.
Oh, on a side note there's lot of crashers that day, whole gang of RV people who just so coincidence decided to crash on the same day..really funny. Moreever, birds of the same feather flock together? hahaax, crashers just seem to go with crashers. So while my friends and me were wondering around initially afraid of getting caught, with nowhere to go, we settled with another group of crashers.(though we don't know them)
Crashing ACJC didn't help much..wasted time. hahaax. Exciting day though. Btw their canteen food sux, SA's food is heavenly i realised.

Yesterday too, i went to check out potong pasir. It didn't take as long as i thought to, weird. Frankly is still ok. That's why now i'm in a dilemma. Should it be aj sa or ac??

Yesterday again, there's cg outing. Went to Wanli's condo to bbq, the one near harbour front - The Carribean. The condo was awesome, good view, can see sentosa from there..and etc. Bbq was pretty good, basically i just ate lots n lots of chicken wings, hotdogs and cheese sausages. hahaax. But the chicken wings unlike other bbq, is at least cooked..and taste nice. However, some people i noticed ate so little...and i learnt another thing that people frm all girls sch tend to be more weight-conscious, were afraid of putting on the extra fats frm eating too much bbq stuffs and were already talking about working out to shed of the extra fats, as compared to ppl frm a mixed sch.

Well, ppl says i'm outspoken. Am i? Weird, outspoken was never associated with me.

Flew away at 12:49:00 AM

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

» THE moment «

Is the release of the o's results..fear is in the air, haha. Zz. Everyone is anxious, anticipating..blah blah, u get the drift. I shld cut the crap and get straight to the point.. i gotten 12, aint too bad yet it sux. Many of my friends are like getting below 10, and is like i'm just stagnant there where a lot people either catch up to me, or surpass me.
It makes me wonder, what was i doing during the o's level period...and yah i realised i didn't put in much effort - for it just didnt feel like the-ever-so-scary o's too me, xpecially for my maths...the day before i just went to sleep. And i don't concentrate well anyway... ha.. is juz all mi n my faulT

i'm glad for u, 12 too. such a big change, it really does seem what u said were true..able to conc n manage time now..that u cant before.. u r better off now? Is still that awkward, been wanting to ask ur results.. and when i finally do, is juz a brief moment..u didnt say much too.. But there's this familiar feeling i felt when i'm just standing there looking up to u asking n u replied..(wat crapz? haha) is just when i'm with you. And when i finally thought before that i could let go, or was at least on e phrase of recovering...waves of it came rushing back to me again. I really miss it..i really ~~miss~~ u..Zz.

Is not like there aint ppl better than u. There's plenty. Is not like there isn't ppl who like mi. There are. But u meant something to me, u still do..n always will.. okiEz i'm pathetic, BaoHui u r hopeless case. i need to learn to be emotionally detached..'those haunting memories of mine, it just scarred u even more..n leave a deeper impression in ur heart 4eva'(republish with permission from Timothy, Copyrighted haha)

Though i wanna let go, i still hold on so tight (republish with permission from Timothy, Copyrighted xP)